I seem to lost my time in updating my own blog..
I wonder what the point of updating it now.. Getting abit "sianx" of everything.. i miss my this length hair so much...
I just cant wait for my hair to fully grown back to this length...(haix but when..)

My upcoming 19th Birthday is reaching damn fucking soon...
Now, why do times flies so fast..
I still have LOTS of stuff i want to do in life that have not been fullfilled...
Is being jealous or ENVY of other people is part of human life...
I wonder.. Seriously, i always feel that i'm just been cruel to myself..
Others people LOOKS so much happy than I am.. Or are they just acting like they are happy??
I wonder..

ABOUT ONE/TWO WEEKS ago...
i manage to watch two MOVIES on the same day...
with one of my darling...

There was time when i dont really care about what everyone thinks...
And there was time where i hope i want to be free...

I stop to think why life mean meaningless to me...
Up coming month... is gonna be very2 soon...
What should i do??
I'm tired of falling back into the same place all over again...

I'm tired of trying who i am not>..
I try to smile... laugh and even be so cheerful...

Faked it...

God blessed everyone...
But why i live a life filled with curse???

Confused of what is going on...
I want be FREE...

Let me be...

please...

I believe there was times when one wish to soar up high,
when everything seem not hurting but just trying to accept the fact tht somewhere it actually hurts...
I may not be the right person saying about this but i have my right to point out my opinion...
Why would you be friend just to get hurt? Why would one love only to be hurt?
Then Why one hate when be confront only to realised that it hurts...
Is hurting other a JOY??
Is HURT mean HAPPINESS>?>
I'm clueless yet i'm lost....
I dont get it...

Your text make me feel happy only to realised it hurting me...
Your call make my heart skip a beat only to realised you stop talking in a minute..

Is by hurting me gives pleasure to EVERYONE??
i wonder.... at times... i ask and question...
and stop to think but came back to the same conclusion that i was not needed here...
I should and might as well make my way...

Why bother hurting me this way...
Please stop thinking of even bother to plan anything against me...
NO point...
What you want to get in the end?
To see me suffering...
then i think the best way is only...
KILL ME...
but maybe if you really want to... SO i can write down a letter about my death and nvr to punish.....


**a journey is not something that start with running,
a journey is not something that end with a stop.
A journey can go as long as no ending
But a journey doesnt mean there no experience***

A little twitch in the heart;
Seem so much to mean hurt,
A pause of the beating heart;
Seem so much that you are hurt.

What the F***??
I'm super pissed off...
At times when you wanted the truth did i try tried to run away... i'm not a coward...
I was stand up for myself... Even when there's no-one around to comfort me... I nvr scared of afraid of what my life or my dark story... My life are my story...
ONLY COWARDS goes around telling PEOPLE story that DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM...
In life the author to the story is me...
While the characters of my story is everyone else...
The ending is nvr always set by me...

I really hate the attitude of people going around telling ppl TWISTED STORY...
IF ANYONE HAVE THE GUTS THEY COME TO ME TO KNOW MY STORY...
IN LIFE I NEVER REGRET... I LEARN TO BY PASS MY OWN MISTAKE...
HAVE THE GUTS??? MEET ME... TALK TO ME...
WHO EVER THINK THEY DESERVE TO KNOW MY STORY SHOULD LISTEN IT FROM MY FUCKIG MOUTH.... I'M NOT MUTE... OR DEAF....
I HAVE VOICE.... WHAT THE POINT OF PPL CALLING ME TALKATIVE IF I CANT TALK...
BRING A FULL ARMY IF YOU THINK YOU ARE AFRAID...
EVERY ONE DOES SOMETHING FOR A MOTIVE...
FOR A PURPOSE...

I DONT LIKE TO HEAR BULLSHIT....

FTB.

I wanted to regret what i did... but i can't push the blame to anyone...
It started from me.... I guess i was really born trouble maker...
Where ever i go i would caught myself in trouble again and again...
I realised everything was a disaster... i could nvr faced thje fact..
I felt so disgusted with myself what can i expect the most.... WORST SLUT EVER!!
Anyway, i knew that it nvr came to be a good point ever...
I was lost in my own life... No one to help me pull up myself... I had to stand up for myself...
March and April will be part of my hurt season for this year, what can i expect ryte...
When times like this i wanted someone to hold on to me...
Not to let me down
But my mistake shut my dearest away from my self...
How can i even pull up myself if someone i really love even turn me off...
How?
No choice...
I can only trust myself... to survive...
In those hard and those suffering moments....
No one can realised what mistake they did...
One have to learn from their own mistake... to avoid making the same one again...
It never easy to find someone who you really love...
If you do find the person you want to love and you really love. Dont ever let it go no matter what...
Fight all the way...
-every little moment you with them counts...
you will then realised how precious they are to you... when you feel how hurt you are to hurt them...
*Happiness is not only those times when you love them... Happiness can also those times when they are there for you....*

lost worry sad devestated confused haix...
nothing i do can turn back my own time...

Itx almost 4am as i'm actually writing this...
Watching the Devil Wears Prada and playing facebook...