Once in a life time.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 @ 12:58 PM

life that just too complicated

I will begin with telling you about me...
I'm a gerl who started to lie and been telling lies ever since i learn it from someone...
It feels good after lying...
but a certain times when you are caught lying it just feel worse and atrocious...
I love swimming and a hobby that i started from small was writing diary...
but each times i caught someone reading my diary i will threw it away... no matter how long it took for me to keep those memories with me...
Each times i look back at my very own mistake... i shed tears that i never thought i would cry for...
Tears of regret, happiness, guilty...and tears of saddness...
I always wondered why and why must things goes this way.... is it because i am seeking attention or is it just to please myself...
I do have friends who talk behind my back, who critise me...
I do have relatives who think i am just a rubbish talker...
Then again i asked myself.... Who am i?? What am i supposed to be???

Well...
last year i sat for a major paper in secondary school...
MY O"LEVELs...
to be honest with myself... i was just wasting my parents money on tuition...
on the school fees and fee for taking the paper...
I knew very well that i no longer have any interest in studies...
but no one and no ones would even spare a minute to even listen to me...
My interest in studies have gone and cherish together ryte after i ended my N'level......
But now when i actually look back i should have walk the path that i planned for myself and not listening to their desire instead...
I am really sorry for wasting their money...
And i knew that the result really put them down...
There actually something that i wanted to actually told them...
but i guess this time around they would never listen again....

No one would believe this if I said that....
I would like to retake my O'level one more time...
but in private school....

Haiz..
it hard for me to face the actual fact that i actually failed badly for O'levels..
Even though i may seem smiling and HAck care about the result but deep in me it hurt alot...
Really hurt my heart...

2007 really was a big experience and alot of mistake i made...
in decision, friendships and also life....
I really regret making a lot of decision...
Sometimes to a extend i wanted to commit suicide.....
I use to be afraid of heights but now each time i look down from my eight floor hse...
i say.... itx only 8th floor ryte...
I was thinkin of 33th floor.....

Hmm, life

~Life is like a storybook and the author is GOD~