If thr miracles....

...my lost world..

2009-06-15T23:21:00.006+08:00

I seem to lost my time in updating my own blog..
I wonder what the point of updating it now.. Getting abit "sianx" of everything.. i miss my this length hair so much...
I just cant wait for my hair to fully grown back to this length...(haix but when..)

My upcoming 19th Birthday is reaching damn fucking soon...
Now, why do times flies so fast..
I still have LOTS of stuff i want to do in life that have not been fullfilled...
Is being jealous or ENVY of other people is part of human life...
I wonder.. Seriously, i always feel that i'm just been cruel to myself..
Others people LOOKS so much happy than I am.. Or are they just acting like they are happy??
I wonder..

ABOUT ONE/TWO WEEKS ago...
i manage to watch two MOVIES on the same day...
with one of my darling...

(BLOOD the last vampire)

This WAS 4/5 BEST RATED show i like..
It was really awesome... Seriously, if anyone find that this show boring.. the only possible reason was because the climax and the story plot was not that interesting...
But i love the way she master the fight/sword movement.... And those eyes that she have was prefect as a vampire... So COLD....
(TERMINATOR SALVATION)

Honestly, I dont really understand the TERMINATOR...
through out the show i get bored ALONE, cos he was concentrating on the show...
while i keep yawning... NEARLY make me faLL asleep...
wakakaka...

Just random pic of me...NOW!!!
i bet i look much older than my supposed age RYTE??
OMG!!!

Let me intro to YOu the GUY/Dude.. who makes life so much easier for me..
HE IS MY BEST ENEMY AKA BESTIE

he even knew the latest update of anything in my life...
ouh.. of course my LOVER knows more than him...
But he been listening to my crap nonsence almost every single day from the day i knew him..
Itx like i just CLICK with him...
If i can thank the person who gave my number to him...
I never was afraid to complain about anything... or anything to hym..
Serious THANK YOU dude.. for being with me through out my UP and DOWN in friendship and relationship..
I seriously cant figure out how EMOTIONAL i get be...
Thank you...

tired

2009-05-03T11:41:00.002+08:00

There was time when i dont really care about what everyone thinks...
And there was time where i hope i want to be free...

I stop to think why life mean meaningless to me...
Up coming month... is gonna be very2 soon...
What should i do??
I'm tired of falling back into the same place all over again...

I'm tired of trying who i am not>..
I try to smile... laugh and even be so cheerful...

Faked it...

God blessed everyone...
But why i live a life filled with curse???

Confused of what is going on...
I want be FREE...

Let me be...

please...

changes

2009-04-28T10:40:00.004+08:00

I believe there was times when one wish to soar up high,
when everything seem not hurting but just trying to accept the fact tht somewhere it actually hurts...
I may not be the right person saying about this but i have my right to point out my opinion...
Why would you be friend just to get hurt? Why would one love only to be hurt?
Then Why one hate when be confront only to realised that it hurts...
Is hurting other a JOY??
Is HURT mean HAPPINESS>?>
I'm clueless yet i'm lost....
I dont get it...

Your text make me feel happy only to realised it hurting me...
Your call make my heart skip a beat only to realised you stop talking in a minute..

Is by hurting me gives pleasure to EVERYONE??
i wonder.... at times... i ask and question...
and stop to think but came back to the same conclusion that i was not needed here...
I should and might as well make my way...

Why bother hurting me this way...
Please stop thinking of even bother to plan anything against me...
NO point...
What you want to get in the end?
To see me suffering...
then i think the best way is only...
KILL ME...
but maybe if you really want to... SO i can write down a letter about my death and nvr to punish.....

**a journey is not something that start with running,
a journey is not something that end with a stop.
A journey can go as long as no ending
But a journey doesnt mean there no experience***

A little twitch in the heart;
Seem so much to mean hurt,
A pause of the beating heart;
Seem so much that you are hurt.

Every was a disaster..

2009-04-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

What the F***??
I'm super pissed off...
At times when you wanted the truth did i try tried to run away... i'm not a coward...
I was stand up for myself... Even when there's no-one around to comfort me... I nvr scared of afraid of what my life or my dark story... My life are my story...
ONLY COWARDS goes around telling PEOPLE story that DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM...
In life the author to the story is me...
While the characters of my story is everyone else...
The ending is nvr always set by me...

I really hate the attitude of people going around telling ppl TWISTED STORY...
IF ANYONE HAVE THE GUTS THEY COME TO ME TO KNOW MY STORY...
IN LIFE I NEVER REGRET... I LEARN TO BY PASS MY OWN MISTAKE...
HAVE THE GUTS??? MEET ME... TALK TO ME...
WHO EVER THINK THEY DESERVE TO KNOW MY STORY SHOULD LISTEN IT FROM MY FUCKIG MOUTH.... I'M NOT MUTE... OR DEAF....
I HAVE VOICE.... WHAT THE POINT OF PPL CALLING ME TALKATIVE IF I CANT TALK...
BRING A FULL ARMY IF YOU THINK YOU ARE AFRAID...
EVERY ONE DOES SOMETHING FOR A MOTIVE...
FOR A PURPOSE...

I DONT LIKE TO HEAR BULLSHIT....

FTB.

A moment of truth

2009-04-19T12:10:00.003+08:00

I wanted to regret what i did... but i can't push the blame to anyone...
It started from me.... I guess i was really born trouble maker...
Where ever i go i would caught myself in trouble again and again...
I realised everything was a disaster... i could nvr faced thje fact..
I felt so disgusted with myself what can i expect the most.... WORST SLUT EVER!!
Anyway, i knew that it nvr came to be a good point ever...
I was lost in my own life... No one to help me pull up myself... I had to stand up for myself...
March and April will be part of my hurt season for this year, what can i expect ryte...
When times like this i wanted someone to hold on to me...
Not to let me down
But my mistake shut my dearest away from my self...
How can i even pull up myself if someone i really love even turn me off...
How?
No choice...
I can only trust myself... to survive...
In those hard and those suffering moments....
No one can realised what mistake they did...
One have to learn from their own mistake... to avoid making the same one again...
It never easy to find someone who you really love...
If you do find the person you want to love and you really love. Dont ever let it go no matter what...
Fight all the way...
-every little moment you with them counts...
you will then realised how precious they are to you... when you feel how hurt you are to hurt them...
*Happiness is not only those times when you love them... Happiness can also those times when they are there for you....*

i dont want all this

2009-04-17T21:35:00.001+08:00

lost worry sad devestated confused haix...
nothing i do can turn back my own time...

I'm totally wide awake!!!

2009-04-06T03:47:00.001+08:00

Itx almost 4am as i'm actually writing this...
Watching the Devil Wears Prada and playing facebook...

I guess TIMES PASS FAST>....

2009-04-04T23:46:00.001+08:00

Finally i manage to get time back to this DEAD blog... OMG!!!
- I believe it times to let time pass...
I believe that FACEBOOK have now been the IN thing to me ryte now...
It also happen to be one of my best topic that i want talked about.....
February overall is just happen to be one of my unfortunate month but yet again it ended out quite okay...
March alot of misfortunate event happen...
Damn if i can ever forget it....
That day bring it down all the way until now still freah in my memory...
i admit i lie...

at times when comfort is nt everything

2009-01-14T02:26:00.000+08:00

I've been really down this weeks... Honestly, i have no idea WHY but i dont feel like telling anione what have happen...
I just need my time alone... without anione...
my tears kept flowing each time i realised the feeling of why i nvr afraid of death why i nvr really care if i'm god want my life tomorrow... cos it the same reason i always complaint to god to take away the pain from me...
which she is giving me...
each time i remember the pain, the same suffering the same heart paiN...
i just realised everything seem so clear like the first time i hate her...

harder than life..

2009-01-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

I tried to hide my fears behind those loose powder and keep on smilling like nothing ever matters.. At the same time i pause to think why it happen and how it happen...
I looked around me only to realised i felt it again... Where is all my so called friends...
they are busy with school and work and love that they forget friends...
Confused in my own minds just wishing i could talk to someone.. honestly the only thing i care about right now is figuring out what should i do with my life...
HAix...
I'm lost totally lost..
No-one to talk to... Cant help but keep asking what it's like to be so miserable..

Must i admit defeat... i can feel that defeat is coming my way...
OMG...
i can feel it really close to me...

I dont noe...
THe first few days it was heaven that u notice me...
then everything became a secret it may me tired of asking...
cos i nvr is important ryte...

hiax...
lost and confusd...so miserable life is

hate me

2009-01-07T23:54:00.000+08:00

i'm too scared to stand up back if i fall again...

that why i rejected someone...
i know him almost more than a month...
it was nice to be with you... your joke and stuff
i'm sorry if i make u fall for me... i nvr intended that ways....
but i just can deceived my heart...
for i craving for only him...
I should have given u a chance...
i should have... ryte..

i dont noe for all that matter please dont hate me...
we still friends.

end 2008 welcome 2009

2008-12-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

Welcome 2009,
Amazingly... I cant believe time actually flies so fast... It felt just like last month i received a black paper and i just started working... I can believe that it almost 10 mth i waited too...
OMG...
Wishing everyone who read my bolg a BIG HAPPY NEW YEAR_2009

The 18 things i done in 2008.
1. Change My JOb twice.
2.Perm My Hair.
3.Start myself a collection of RINGS
4.Pampered myself with treats and manicure.
5.Celebrate my 18th b'dae with my Bestiee.
6.Manage to grow 6 cm more my bust..
7. Buy clothes lots of them.
8. FALL IN LOVE WITH CYC.
9. Feel what itx like to be hurt by people.
10. Feel what love and hurt means.
11. Go to ETP with my darlings.
12. Know more friends.
13. Learn to be more independent and less emotional.
14.Learn to accept the fact bout my self.
15. Start to give and make complain bout almost everything.
16. Love my self.
17. Appreciate my parents and family.
18. Last but not least Lost my precious.

there always up and down

2008-12-25T11:13:00.000+08:00

-When it times to strike, you just dont stop.
-When God loves you itx because god create you for who you are and what you are..
You took his hand and walk, without looking back even for once.All the sudden everything seem so surreal and unrealistic. Finally, I told you there was nothing wrong with me.... Itx all started from you. At times you never think about others....all you care is only about yourself.. The talk was only about you. You totally forget a simple question like how your day...
Then i realised it always been like this... itx always all the him... it was never like how you promise...So much for all the promises...
i felt so left out... u stop to be the one who cheer me up... u stop to be the one who listen to all my stories... u stop to be someone closer to me...

whn i need you...

2008-12-24T01:42:00.000+08:00

I realised you drifted apart again and again... it always happen...
At times i can no longer control my anger... you too now take forever to reply me...
I thought it only happen once... now it happen again...
It always them... where me?
haix... i'm in no place to argue this...
I dont even think you actually read all my entries...
It very hard for me to let the truth out.. you make it so simple....
itz not trust me...
To last this long needs courage and persevere...
but then are you sure...
"is it just a busstop...an interchange or isit just a temporary rest stop..."
you are hurting not one ppl but many... in the end you hurt urself again..
so much for where i am...
my unfated love reveals all.

....

2008-12-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

Q:If you had 3 wishes, what will that be?
(1)We be together...Never stop loving him
(2)Higher Pay with Better Career
(3)Better Communication with Family and Friends

Q: Did you ever think to yourself and wonder what will happen to you in the future?
*Duh!!! always... i'll always wonder what i'll be working in 5 yrs down e road...

Q: Are you afraid of what lies ahead of you?
* yes..of cos... i'm afraid itx smth that i not expecting...

Q: Would you change yourself for the person you love?
* I'LL TRY... no promises... if he will love me for who i am but i'm willing to chance for the better not fro the worse...thtx it...

Q: Do you belief in Love?
* Yes....always...

Q: How long do you intend wait for him?
* well, until i stop to hope for him..tht is...

Q: If the person you are in love is secretly liking someone, what would you do?
* Ask him if itx true..i'm willing to back-out for the sake of his happiness... even though i'm hurt.

Q: Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?
* yes... recently... they just dont get it... but atleast someone always try to get my smile back.. especially the sudden surprise...

Q: Do you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you're around the guy/girl you like?
*strangely, yes when i'm in unfamilliarize plac or whenever i'm next to yyou...

Q: Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
*NOW!!! only him...

Q: Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?
* yes... but i still hoping..

Q: Are you happy with your life?
* so-so only...

Q: Would you give your all in a relationship?
* i'll give my best but no promises.

Q: What type of friends do you like?
*Those who be there for me.. and those who actually understand me...!

Q: Do you often wish there was something you could change?
* always always

Q: What will you look at first when you first set eye on a girl/guy?
* their body...their clothes and face...

Q: If your lover betrayed you, what will be your reaction?
* walk away silently and let it be..

tired N exhausted...

2008-12-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

seriously, it been long since i help out at Kendarat...
and ytd over at taman warisan, istana kampung gelam... i actually help helmy out with the kendarat... the team was pretty super even though we actually short handed.... so itx abit shocking on how we managed to pull this off...
Thx to helmy thtx is...
and his team...
I was super exhausted but atleast i enjoy e song over there...
but honestly, my mind was elsewhere on that whole day...
so i dont actually notice if i put on a black face or if i actually lost appetite that day...

i off to update my oothher blog take care

my weeks...

2008-12-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

This going to be quite a long entry....
today i off... well it not that i wanted to off on this day but well someone wanted me to off today but a friend used to tell me "no matter how long you took to planned something but when on that day it never goes has planned you must never regret it"- don't worry i wont regret cos i know you will somehow cheer me up when i'm down ryte, my friend.

so, i went to e back to open up MoneySmart saving account that actually include some investment along with it but then mummy told me that maybe itx better to open up the MSA account instead so i told mummy why not i just open two of it? okay ryte? hehehe..
mummy just say-up to you lah. hehehe.

ANiwae, today is celeste e 18th birthday but she wanted to count down to 12.00 midnight so much for her b'dae. Well, i bought this cake-black forest at bangawan solo. so we waited under my block...actually she want to cut it at blk 204 near the pit area but hey i told her NO WAY i'm hate and scared of dark..ouh ya... and i gave her the winnie the pooh balloon too...

Its just a simple cutting cake...
but if those who know me well.... I HATE CAKE... I DON'T LIKE IT A BIT... BE IT CHOCOLATE OR EVEN STRAWBERRY OKAY... DONT FORCE ME TO EAT IT...

Now the thing i pick on the way along this week...

I love this watch... please buy for me!!! ouh ya ONLY THE PINK COLOUR>>>

this Christmas tree is made out of different soft toys...
thy have almost all of my favorite teddy -hello kitty to carebears to pooh and even winnie.

Janice hand... she dont even realised the big mark.
i keep joking tht i bit her hand...knock her hand... and etc..

my long time nvr eat tis sweet... and my voodoo watch

my long lost friend... e clown... heheheh
this is e belgian chocolate plus e new chocolate that they had itx so chocolatey... WOW>>>

THis is my very very NEW wallet...
My sister brought it for me...
on the left on is her wallet on the right one is mine..
Ouh gosh fuck ya... ITX NOT LYK THOSE OF MY CHEAP WALLET<<<
i so scared i might dirty it so i told her keeep it for me so i can used it on special occasion for SHOW_OFF TIME

bad terms

2008-12-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

i think my tempered began to rising..
my appetite began to drop cos e food i been craving for days still i havent get...
ytd eventhough i when out the whole day..
i only had 1 egg prata in my stomach in the morning...
then chocolate ice cream then thai squid set which i only eat the squid and the meat but not the rice...
I WANT TO DAMN BLOODY EAT THE INDIAN ROJAK WHICH PART OF IT DONT PEOPLE GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant decide

2008-12-11T00:46:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry if i change alot...
am i changing for e worse or for e better?
please explain... please talk to me... even i cant take it or even if i burst into tears...
just talk to me... scold me or shout at me or anything... just talk to me...
i'm so use to ur voice... dont keep e silence away....
like waking up from my sleep early morning...
or even ur sudden call...
.....

missing in action

2008-12-10T11:45:00.000+08:00

what thr to hide?
what thr to run?

At times, when things seem fine....

when everything falls together...

2008-12-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

I been addicted to this song saat terakhir-ST12

Having Migraine early in the morning was already a sign to tell me that im nt going to have a good day...UNLIKELY.... i nvr expect all to come so soon...Losing the most important things-my keys... which is equally to my work key as well....
Hmm...heaven.. Like wise, i only realised it was gone when i reached the doorstep of my work place.. unbelievable...as usual i PANIC>>>PANIC>>>
i was like shld i call Janice, Koko or James.. Ouh my god... ouh my god...
walking back and forth... like an idoit...
so i knew janice must be sleeping but i'm sorry...
so i quickly call janice ask for some advice...
then i call koko... then i call james...
From james voice i knew he was angry and upsad tht i lost it...
then janice inform me tht koko will be on her way down asap...
Was i a nuisance and yes i was also super careless....
I try to msg celeste and cyc... but sadly... celeste nvr reply me... cyc only say then how? then how? 2 msg thtxall...
How e hell shld i know how was i supposed to know... i already t e brink of tears but NO-ONE was there to calm me down... I WAS IN A PANIC STATED>>>AND WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE I NEED? WHERE?
NOT EVEN A CALL TO CHECK HOW I WAS?
i try not to cry and stay as strong as i could... so i was duplicating e key again...
Finally she msg me.... i smiled to see her name appeared on my hp but tht @ 4.50pm... i thought she was going to ask how am i? ask if i'm okay? but i was wrong... she was asking me abt hym... which i seriously dont understand... i really dont understand what u mean... and i hope she will call me so i could hear what she want to say and then understand...please call me...
Not what i expected but suddenly two person want to back out from e kendarat team... fine... since helmy say itx okay... so i will stick to itx okay then... haix even though i was quite up sad disappointed with it.

I'M JUST A GIRL WITH A FRAGILE HEART... EVEN THOUGH I CAN BE HAPPY AT EVERY LITTLE THING BUT AT THE SAME TIME I CAN CRY AT EVERY SMALL THING THAT MAKE ME SAD. ONCE I'M CONFUSED, I GET UPSAD AT E SAME TIME I JUST WAnt to CRY...

nothing matter

2008-12-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

=> fine... selamat hari raya haji...

my enchanted life story...
i miss every single moment i have with you...

I'm sorry.... I hope my gerlfriends and bestfriend understand my situation...
I know i being mean... I know tht u felt tht he is ot the right one... worse i know u dont want me to be hurt....
But i dont now how i'm going to stop myself from loving him...
i dont noe...
please stay be with me... even when u know i made i wrg decision... itx hard for me to admit... please gerl... just try to undderstand my unrealistic reason...
i dont want tohurt myself and cry... but i just want to be happy.... i dont want to be alone animore...
itx really lonely...
i dont like it...

2008-12-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

i CANT SLEEP...and itx like 1.22am de(frm my hp)
other than chatting with jk and keep replaying the saat terakhir song...
Actually i feel lyk calling up CYC now but i think he might be asleep... haix jk just end his conversation with me...fuck i damn bored now.. i already browse ppl blog... i purposely send blank msg to cyc just to check if he still awake..
hehehe...yes he still awake...

Lets see.... i able to gather all this information for the whole week... so i'll try to refresh everything asap.
Knowing that Swatch is giving out Christmas make a wish for every $50.00 purchase made..
Recently thr this couple who actually spend lyk $139 on a watch for his gerlfriend...
then whe we asked him to fill out the lucky draw thats state... i wish for..bla blah for my PRAWN (his gf name)... i was like wtf u called ur gf prawn=udang.... so ryte after they step out of the shop... i go... huh? udang...udang... hahahaha seafood... ahhhahahah...
why name ur own gf udang=prawn? lolx...

I gather 10 things why i can love someone...
1. He make me smile whenever i saw hym... the sight of him even from far made me smile instead of frown no matter how angry i am...
2. I smile when i think of him....even when itx something bad about him..
3. I willing to wait for his call or msg even when i know it takes forever...
4. I nvr sick and tired of his call or meeting him ever..
5. He able to read my words faster than anyone else...
6. He understand me differently from the rest.
7. He's thr to talk to me when e world all went missing.
8. I nvr feel like giving him any answer to his question.. i love the way he ask me..
9. He make me chase him.
10. I love him... and yes HE KNOWS>cos i make my confession..

People have been talking badly behind my fucking back... YES!!!! i know what the hell u TALKING ABOUT..... so if u really bold enough....stop being a BITCH and say it to my face... be it if i can accept it or not... cos i cant stand ppl giving me that hey bitch...watch whr u going look...
if u really know me well NVR STEP ON MY TAIL....
...
damn i fcukig bored... beat me

you made my day

2008-12-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

Funny thing in life is when u nvr unexpected it to happen it will happen.
Ytd, i told hym tht i'm afraid of getting addicted to it but he say it wont happen.. then slowly i explain tht how easy i'm able get addicted to smth.
Even though our talk does not eve exceeded 5-10 mins at night but then each talk i learn smth more abt hym... Unlike my other talk with others ppl where we can actually talk for hours but then the feeling of knowing them well...nothing...
Sometimes i just dont get it why i must or should repeat myself when at times i told hym many times but he still will ask me... but when he realised that im nt in e mood he will just know it w/out me repeating...
Funny... he remember ALMOST every detail about what i liked or disliked? sometimes i dont even realised tht i told hym..
Love someone doesnt required time or money.
Love someone is abt the feeling.
Loving someone is like making a tattoo, if itx not pain meant itx not deep....

>>all it ever matter now is I lOVE HYM<<

Only love

2008-12-04T09:08:00.000+08:00

Damn i'm super sleeping to even key any of this damn thing.
Eventhough i'm at 9.15am.. but who cares... i been falling asleep at tis com form just now..
so i'm eating chacos bbq bonanza to keep myself awake.
.....
I'm not sure if i'm really can control my temptation of him any longer..
...
Aniwae, finally after almost a week plus plus...
i meet him again...
He accompany to eat my dinner or should i say supper... over at e MCD. where i also bump into hazmi.
Well, all i can say is that i'm really happy and overwhelmed when i saw hym.
It lyk i could feel my hotness of my own cheek.
After that we sat down and ate some sweet stick..
I find it so funny that each time after he taste it abit he will ask me to taste it..
That's goes e same thing to his drinks and more...
I reall miss hym alot....
and well... i just hope time pause whenever i'm with you.
I find you amusing when u eating those sweet.
Sometimes it really hard to understand you. But no matter what my love for you is true.

When times all crash together.

2008-12-04T08:43:00.000+08:00

This is When Sales goes BAD!!!... getting a transaction takes hours....so usually e blue tack takes in control. The boredom.

When everything seem perfect...Each will be out with one side of the ring...
Mine is the black. The silver belongs to someone else(not mine tht for sure.)

but this both is mine->>
Itx up for you to decide what turn u off when everything that complicated appear all at the insane same time so itx time to eat and indulge in things to keep those mind at ease.

And DONUTS is my choice NOW!!!

itx not fair..

2008-11-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

I cant believe what i read and see on your very nick..
Why cant you just say it out to me? Why hide it? i dont care who but i just wanna know...
I can no longer kept this in... how long do you need me? Even there are ppl who told me tht you just playing with me... But i kept telling myself tht i trust and believe you... Ouh please dont make me like a fool...

:(
It hurts to say it out loud.
It hurts more to keep it inside.
Waiting for you to explain everything without me asking.. Why is it so complicated to understand. Why it is so difficult to give me a chance? oh, why? oh why?
Everyone around me is trying to avoid me from being with you..
They want me to stop meeting and thinking of be with you...
They does not want to see me getting hurt..
But why? oh why> Can't you just give yourself a chance to love somebody else..
Oh please oh please... help me to forget you. help me to stop missing you. stop wanting for you..and start treating you e same way i do to my casuall friends...
Each time i'm with...
my heart skip a beat and my mind when empty..
i llost my words... and my humour too...
i cant find things to say to you... but each time i part with you
i just want to turn around and be with you... It seem so much tht i wanted to do...
It seem so much tht i wanted to say to you... even if u just walked 5 step away from me...
i just cant take it to part with you...
Is this e kind of same feeling do you have? Or is this just nothing but ridiculous to you... I dont understand? Am i just being SIlly?
please do give me some sign...

When everything seem fine

2008-11-25T07:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it hard to apologised for your own mistake it even harder to admit it. At times i just want to know why and how? At times i hope you may say out the things that trouble you... At times i just hope i can be there for you... it doesnt actually matter where and when or how... it only matter to me who and why?

Will you give a chance please? i'm tired of making this kind of accuse myself... i want to know the real story... haix...

When it times to go i'll go...
I reveal this secret to my very best friend which i hope they kept it for me...
I'm tired of following you around... and maybe i should stop for a while... I must control the urge of meeting you... Avoid the feeling of missing you and keep myself occupy...
Haix... Will i be able to do so?....

I always want to meet each and everyday if possible... but that impossible....ryte..
haix...

~it hard to explain things... it hard not to accept things...
~it hurts to know the truth...itx harder not to know it...

Itx hard to say all out at once.

2008-11-25T06:50:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, 211108..
was my Very first time attending D&D for Swarch..
Rating of 3/5...
Itx was okay...so i just briefly say regarding the event..
It was supposed to be E Arabian Night...
But most of us E promoter turn out Casually dress...
Janice(Big Sister), Me, Koko

Tomi(Suntec), SabRina(T3) and we actually miss out of another sister name Idah. She unfeeling well that day...On MC..

This was the part when they have some games among the best female costumes.. ouh ya by the way the one in purple, itx a MALE>... hehee he so supporting..

This picture was taken with our manager..
From left to right...
Johnny,Tomi,Sab,Me,Janice,Patrick(Manager),Paul

The ladies...
Sab, Me, JAnice and kristy....

I had a wonderful day..

Am I blind?

2008-11-19T07:32:00.000+08:00

At times i just dont actually get the point what people are trying to say to me...
But sometimes itx good not to understand it...

Is falling in love wrong?
Is being in love wrong?
Is it wrong to love someone who you are clueless if he love you or not?
Well, i manage to get all the answer for that question....
I"m in LOVE for 9months and still deeply in love with him...
I can't take the blame why some people dont get when i want hym...
Cos i'm not sick and tired of hym eventhough it been 9 month...
people say " hiaz, only casual friend mah"
no....So not...
I FINALLY MANAGE TO TELL HYM THAT I TRULLY AND MEAN IT WHEN I TOLD HYM AND I LOVE AND LIKE HYM...
i thought the answer was going to be some hurtful answer but it turn out to be..
"you dont have to tell me also i know, i can feel it"
I can nvr be happy ever.... i dont cared if we are not fated to be together but i'll not stop hoping and stop wishing that you will be mine forever.

Everything is a MESS

2008-11-17T01:39:00.000+08:00

What can you actually expect from your own collegue?
At times you just gave in to them in sense of respect tht they are much much senior then you.. but at times it just get on your nerve to "hit with all you got" kind of thing... It will really make place turn out to be those stressful environment compared to the previous working outlet where you just got to get used to your direct nasty speaking in-charge.. Now that you get used to it.. you suddenly stuck with one Old-Aunty... like OMG... have you ever try telling the elderly that what they did is wrong... They just wont accept the fact that what you just told them is the truth.. Damn Them...
Have you ever wonder why it is SO SO hard to get Someone who you actually Liked?
Well, let's see that because you think you liked them but when the actual fact is that you just lonely and end up anyone who come and appear just in-front of you at e point of time make you realised you like them... So whatever ryte...

time flies fast when ur friends around

2008-11-14T20:16:00.000+08:00

from left to right..
Celeste, Anasyah (me), Rakinah and Helmy...
It was taken on 091108... we were out at Downtown East... times really flies when you were enjoying your time with your dear ones.

At times when my hopes are down and when my love doesn't seem to be around to help me...There they are... giving me the inspiration to be up on my feet again...
They always try their best to cheer me up when i'm down...
But at times i do realised that everyone have their own time and world.
this is e 4 of us in one of the amazing ride...
okay.. me and kinah actually took the inverter 4 times... omg.. i cant believe it man.. it not scary like it looks like... but yes, celeste took it with ue the first round only.. helmy lets just say he have cold feet...
but we took the mini coaster 2 times... but celeste and helmy took it 3 times..
I love the wet and wild... it really a f-k hot day... and itx really nice to get wet...
haix... itx lovely... finally when everything over...
we were on the way back...
that me and celeste...

i miss hym... all the times when i'm out with my friends...
How i wish he will always around during my goods and bad times..

Lost and Confused

2008-11-14T19:23:00.000+08:00

It been ages since i last update this blog... Everyone might just get bored with me since i'm always busy working or lazy around...
Honestly, yes... i'm busy...
At wrk... i always set my mind to hit e sales target that way i can get nice number of commision eventhough my basic salary is already at a pretty sum. But i'm a human who always want more and more.
While all my other friends or ex-school friends are busy at poly and even ITE... ME>> i'm nothing compared to them... i have to go much longer way compared to others...
Currently, i'm making a decision...
i used to thought that i'm able to manage my time wisely. But i guess i'm wrong... i'm unable to do so. I'm going to be 19th in like 8 more months...
January INTAKE is starting very very soon therefore... i decided to welcome back my study mood..
I'm making a decision between this two.... but i'm a fickel minded person so i need help... do help me see for the better...
Choice A or B.
A> Retaking my O'level subject which is only my English N Maths..
B> Skip my retaking o'level and MOVE on to the private Diploma...
so which one is better??

2008-10-04T15:58:00.000+08:00

(e spec belong to my bro... cos i'm wearing lenses... )
This is after A WHOLE tiring day outside...
it was taken at my uncle lorry..

Actually, i'm supposed to upload all my pic "tht i perasan cantik(i AM pretty)"
today BUT everything was ACCIDENTALLY delete by itself on thw whole folder and i cant even trace it back... it really sucks... thr was my pic with janice...
my pic @ e X-salon... and more haix...
STUPID COM... i told daddy i need a laptop badly for my personal use...
but they F_cared...
haix it really useless to even cry (which i did for 1 hr..) and sis think i'm a nuisance...

Aniwae..
thx god sis got SOME of me picture tht i took with the OTHERS... which i dont want ...
cos i want my pic ALONE>>.but today later this evening i'm going to FAVOURITE aunt and uncle hse...
then I will f-yes take ALOT of my perasan picture...
haix...
it really suck...

E whatever bitch...

2008-09-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

What been happening to me this month??
Have you ever wonder what it lyk to actually eat at some place tht e food look equally disgusting..."YUCKX!!!"

"e vegetables i had to remove out of my bowl and place it other side.. ouh gosh e rice my god... end up i only ate e chicken... haix... just my luck..."..
A little update for those who nvr saw me lyk ages tis is how i look lyk but hey it not going to last.. maybe this might be the very last entry me with tis hair style...

my very last picture i took atleast 1 week before the new hair style...
well i'll upload e new one sooner...in few days tyme...heehehhe

** who will not be happy if someone wait for them to end work eventhough indirectly but hell ya i super happy...then grab last minute "sweets" or should i directly say ICE CREAM in the middle of the night... haix but who cares.. as long i'm happy to see him..
Eventhough i know tht he's attached at other outlet but atleast i'm happy to know tht he still call and do send me little msg...
***i could have been more flirty bitch if i give out my no: to a malay dude who is superly damn CUTE and HOT.... but if only he got the gut's to ask me e no: w/out pushing his friends to ask me instead... then perhaps i would have let him get my no: so much for e hotness when u dont have e gut's...DUDE!!!
**** well but in e end who care... i only want hym..and i'm willing to give and sacrifices other guys to wait for hym...
Someone asked me what e point WAITING???
well... itx e happiness tht i have in me..each time i'm with hym....
I just love the new confident ME...
e day i knew hym...
it so much then THE BITCH me last tyme...

buzz off gerls

Weird life...

2008-09-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

Today my off day again...
doing nth but slacking at home sleeping, cleaning, watch tv, reading my english story book...
I cant actually find any malay novel that attract my attention.. so i been stick to eng books ever since i know this very tall gerl named Sabrina... all thx to her i'm getting fond with eng books..
Cool or freak... i dont noe..
AnyWay, i just addeda song to this very2 pathatic blog...
itx " gu dan bei ban chio" (forgive me if i spelled it out wrong) if i'm not wrong e singer is lin yi chen... actually i wanted to get e song "e zuo ju zhi wen"..
But after hearing tis blog song for a while i just realised that this is the song i been searching for when i first heard it over at gain city when someone was playing tis song but i did not seem to managed to find it...
Recently, i caught myself into a missunderstanding with collegue..(opps not miss understanding) it not my fault like not totally... partially it was her who actually shout at me...
OMG... i nvr had or come across incharge or even manager or supervisor who shout at me...
AND fuck hell she's not anyone with any rank... she only e same status as i am only that she's more experience as only "1 yrs only experience" WHAT SO EVER...
after tht day i only talked when necessarily and i dont need help from snob...
haha..
Last but not least
I miss my friends really much.. miss talking and laughing at e jokes and talks..
haix but like usual i'm always e odd one out ryte... nevermind...
Okay... this year as usual i'm not really INTO raya.. and e only day i'm going raya is e 1st day...
i dont find it really tht great...
This MONTH...
i'm pampering myself into a second round of hair dye AGAIN...
and also REDO- PERMING again...
hehehe did i mention that i'm going to buy a spec cos i miss wearing them... but i still using contact lense... spectacles are whn i'm really LAZY to put on those contact lenses...
haix...
Okay that the end of my BLOGGING....

** I'm going to miss HYM for atleast 2 weeks... since he stuck attachment at other outlet.. he dont even know that i'm changing my hair style very soon..hehe...
OMG...i'm miss my god-sister real much...
please dont make me see her losing weight.. it makes me feel i'm gaining too much...***

*** i visited MCD tht day... and my ex-collegue say u gain quite a weight*****
is it too obvious... i was even skipping meals...
haix... skipping meal doesnt help ryte that how?? i dont want to end up lyk PIG>>>

what will happen?

2008-09-18T00:42:00.000+08:00

Retail can be e most tiring thing you would one to think of for a job...
Lack of sleep, freedom, enjoymentand most importantly time...
Haix...
I trying to kept my own promised but for how long...idk.. as long as he single... i'll be around him but once he declared attached with someone...I'll be vanish in thin air....

2009 is going to be a stressful year for me... i'm still figuring out how i can handle my time..
why itx stressful? For all of ya to find out...

my love for him will nvr changed...
but if thr really someone out there able to chg tis love away...
much appreciate... cos i'm tired of stuck in a love life whr i nvr know e starting nor the ending

Itx time

2008-08-31T20:16:00.000+08:00

Finally...after a long wait of the year... the month arrives... Itx time to fast again...
like usuall i'm so sure i cant complete the 30 days due to "bulan"
hahhah

Like others i'm just here to wish you all the best of luck...
Selamat Berpuase...
Please try not waste this month just like that... IT time to pay good deed...

Its really meaningful with you

2008-08-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

(yawning..... HAix)
I'm tired...
hehehe
Its been almost 1 mth plus eversince i told my story..
Firstly, i apologized for unable to meet SALLIE and RADHY... for your b'day celebration...
i'll make it up to you...
Wishing you e best life and a successful year ahead...
(only know how to say cannot and sorry)

Why i love my job?
Because i'm always looking forward to go work...
And i love looking at ridiculous people in singapore...
Basically i love going to work cause it make me less stress...
eventhough sometimes i have no sales....
but it still okay...

I used to say i love my black hair ryte...
but no more... i'm tired of it...
now its a bit brown...golden... dark brown...
i dont know...
mum hate me have my hair dye...
dad say i should have brighter colour like blue and pink in it...
(funny)
thank you to sis who help me with the DIY hair dye...

haix....
i have lost a bit weight BUT i cant seem to lose the fats around my tummy...
Any ideas?

Aniway... i been 6 full months... SINGLE...
believe it or not...
haix...
i wonder how long i'm going to stick this way...

Oh ya... did i mention i went to watch movie ALONE once...
and YA hell i enjoy e show eventhough ALONE...
cool...

I'm happy that the most important things ryte...

it hard to understand smth that seem simple...

2008-07-21T13:15:00.000+08:00

I need some advice..Please..
I really fallen for him(cyc). I dont noe if i can accept the fact tht he still care and dote on his ex-gf. Seeing him suffering and stress with his problems is the most painful thing. I dont noe if i should continue to be by his side..? should i?
There was times that i just wanted to slap his face to wake him up to reality but how???
Do you know that i love you?
I'm not 100% perfect gerl that you want but my feeling for you are real..
I been trying not to accept you in my heart for the past few months cause i'm afraid of making mistake and hurting everyone..
I'm more afraid of hurting my own heart...
Do you have feelings for me?
If no then why must you treat me real GOOD??
Each tyme u end a conversation say you will called me back again...
And i waited for your called... But you never called back...
Can i hate you? Can you please go away from my heart??

You will be in my heart. But will you stay?

*Smiles*
Each tyme e special ringtone rings i knew that it was you...
And i love the moment when you call.

Something stupid happen yesterday...
We have this so called magic bottle at work. All you need to do is think of a question and shake the bottle and pull a stick out....
i asked a question ytd.. "Will he msg me at exactly 11.00pm(e time i end wrk)?"
the stick keep saying "NO"
But at exactly 11.00pm i received a CALL from him instead...
hahahha
so he nvr msg me but called me instead... my heart feel lyk jumping when his name appeared on my phone...
heehehh
There was one part that he actually angry at me...
he say why i must always msg him early in the morning..
and it really get on his nerve cos he had to wake up when his phone ring and say sometimes he just feel lyk scolding me.... then i was actually sad when he told me that...
so i said okay lor then scold me lah if you want me to msg you...
and he replied you know that i wont scold you ryte?
then i say to him then lyk that i wont msg you animore lor...
after we end our conversation i text him soory and wont text him in e morning animore..
and he say... after eleven then msg him...
:) *will you stay?*

Why must you treat me gooD??

2008-07-21T12:40:00.000+08:00

Hahha finally my off-day...
I'm getting back to my blurry days....(blurry gal)
Seriously i have no idea how i'm suppose to share my feelings with ppl. The only way is for ppl to read my blog cause it much more easier to confess everything here.
On the Last Friday and Saturday, I work over at Suntec City.. :)
The customer there was better than at T3 and my personel sales are okay compared to the T3 where i prefer to say much or less unlucky.
This few days my appetite dies.. As in i can last the whole day with just very LITTLE FOOD in my stomach... I dont know how it happen.

Maybe it true that i get really stress with love. WHat should i do? Should i admit to him that i really really love him...? or should i just keep silence? I dont know...
I'm the one who asked hym to go look for a gf... but each tyme he told me there is a new gerl or any gerl that go find hym... i get SO jealous as in VERY2 jealous..
But why??

If only if i knew what to do?
*smile*

Any feelings for me??

2008-07-12T19:09:00.000+08:00

Last time, when i didn't msg or called you.. you would called me and get angry and ask why must it always be you who call and msg me first...
You will get angry and start nagging to me... Each tyme you start or end work you will never forget to give me a call and ask where am i? But your concern is getting lesser and you seem to getting further away from me... The harder part is it getting harder to contact with you...
I'm just dont wanna lose you now yet...
I dont feel it the time yet.
Actually i wanted to meet you today for lunch or dinner... usually you dont mind spending at least 30mins to accompany me to eat with you...
There were once when u actually lied and said you havent eat so i took some time down to meet you for lunch. But the fact that you already had your lunch and you lied so that i would come down to meet you... But NOW....
you told me that today is saturday and it might be a very very busy day...
Is it me or are you ignoring me...?
itx so hard to pull you out of my heart now...
Cause i really haven fallen in love with you...
Then again i asked myself...?
Will you care for me like you use to?

Ever Since that incident it really hard to see those smiles on your faces...
I really misses you...
Usually you dont mind me texting you now and then...
but recently you told me u dont like it...
it hurtx....
If i'm going to count your text msg to me eversince the last time i met you...
haix it really hurtful...
u no longer reply my morning and night greeting....
all the only text msg that i received most of the time.... "end work le mah"
or worse "whr ya?"
that'x all...

I'm sorry but i really miss you..
but i dont think you dote and care for me lyk you used to...

it's hurt alot

2008-07-12T18:52:00.000+08:00

Finally i left Gain City...honestly it was really a eye opening for me...
Eventhough i only worked for 4 mths there but i really learned alot... and also much much mature than b4.
I met someone who really touch my heart and stay. Someone who made me difference unlike usually i can easily move on each tume i doesn't want to feel hurt but this time around... I'm really useless... i can't stop thinking of him.. and each time i think of him..( i miss him...)

i just start a new job recently...
i currently working at a shop called Swatch and the outlet at T3..
so please come and visit me sometimes....

My little Something

2008-06-25T17:46:00.000+08:00

Well,
i miss you guys all damn much...
all i ever wanted for my b'dae was nth but to spend my times with my friends that's all....
Nothing else matter...
People or shld i say friends/bestie/darlingz
dont waste your money to get me anything...
cos what i only want is YOUR TIME...
thatx all...
Nth else matter....

Me...18th...
oH!! please lah....
i dont even behave like a 18th yrs old...
I more lyk a pathatic brat'x
hahhaha....

This is what i predicted to do on my b'dae...
a) spend my time with my darlings...
b) took a ride on e sgflyer...
c) out for breakfast and dinner
d) watch movie
lastly, camwhoring...

BUT......
it chg.... even though i have told them how much i just want to spend my time with them....

haix....
whatever it is...
and how my b'dae gonna be...
i'm gonna face it unprepared....

YES!!!!!
me 18th ....in 2 days...

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY
TO SAKINAH

Wishing you a blessed year ahead, successfull career and stay happy always

a day with them

2008-06-20T14:48:00.000+08:00

it been ages since i went out with my fellow buddies...
went out at arnd 10.30am to msl..... to collect the testimonal with celeste and helmy...
head down to cck to pass the microwave plate that i took from amk showroom for cyc...

Celeste, Helmy and Anderson accompany me buy a dress.... i really mean A dress...
i was thinking to get the brown dress but dont have my size so turn out i took the red colour....
Celeste said the colour look lyk ang pao... but when i tried on it... then she took a picture of me in it.... she say seducing...
hahahahahahah... only she saw mah... then that mean i seducing her... hahahhahahah
RUBBISH!!!!!!

Actually... i want meet cyc on ytd but i read his msg to meet today but i forgot so i ask celeste out... then when he text me again... i go chk my previous msg... ya my fault....
really.....
sorry...
nvr mind... the dress cost me 30 bucks i could get shoes for that...
but nvrmind... i love it anyway...
thx guys for accompany me...

~i really miss cyc damn much~

~celeste asked me this question is it i love him or just lyk him...~
i can't answered tht question not now for sure...

but i"m sure that on my b'dae i noe the answer...

Unexpected DAY!!!

2008-06-18T20:38:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be my very very good day... but it end up as my most damn day...
I wanted to go amk badly to buy shoes..
but in e end i nvr go...
Send celeste to work go cck to eat with my cashier sister and anderson...
the go wld walk a while....
go home.. try to sleep but can't...

~i'm nt important... they are~
~i hold to my tears but it still flow unstop~

~ For e first time in my entire 17PLUS years...
today i felt as i'm e most UN impt~

it reaching soon

2008-06-18T08:57:00.000+08:00

Finally...
i'm able to do some minor shopping .... as in go out buy things...
or should i get it straight shoes!!
I'm super tired...
Aniwae alot of things have been happening this week...
Sweet memories and Sad.... It hard to describe those moment..
Last week, Tuesday was the last time i meet cyc... Damn i miss hym... dats for sure.
From Thursday to Sunday, I was at PC SHOW... Suntac city level 6..
Booth no.. i forgot...
The first 2 days i was there...
Yeah i admit very tiring but each tyme i saw ben the tiredness seem to vanish that's for sure..
But then on the third day... early in e morning he still treating me good..
All the sudden, he change... after A told hym that if he disturb me...if cyc saw he will get punch by hym.... then starting from that onwards he kept pestering saying... that
I can't concentrate, keep thinking about cyc....
Ben was lyk being an idoit... really... opps maybe he is an idoit........
he nvr realised that i have a feeling for hym... and i treasure every moment that i could see him..
but he act so different from atrium...
Ahx nevermind now itx over...
I draw the line out to hym.... I'm e cashier, u're e salesman...
we are nothing...
Then e last day, ben try to treat me good again... but i pretend i never saw hym... i ignored hyn totally... i sorry.. i were thinkin that maybe i would want to stay with hym but then i can't lor..
b'cos he really nvr trust...
so too bad...
Thank god
Cyc, have been there for me...
I know i could be an idoit at times but...i really worried if i 'm going to separate from cyc...
I have count and i actually have stick to cyc from march until now.....

2008-06-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

Name 20 people you can think of right now. Don't read the questions till you've named the 20 peoples. At the end of this choose 3 peeps to do this :]
1. Celeste
2. Sallie
3. Nisa
4. Zube
5. Radhy
6. Yati
7. Michelle
8. Kak Shidah
9. Kak Mas
10. Jeff
11. Hairul
12. Abg Az
13. Nabillah
14. Wannie
15. CYC
16. Ben
17. Mimie
18. Anderson
19. Rachael
20. Syam

-How did you meet #14?
=) Well, she the sweet gerl in school and we are in the same class during sec 3.

-What would you do if you hadn't met #1?
Maybe i wouldn't even pass my N'level and never knew how to express my emotion.

-What if #9 and #20 dated?.
rather amusing cos #20 is married.

-What if #6th and #17th dated?
oh my god, i just hope it wont happen. she older than hym by 3 yrs.unless it fated.

-Describe #3.
The one who always cheer me up when celeste BULLY me..
heheheh

-Is number #8 attractive?
yes she is.. first look at her i thought she's a chines

-Decribe #7
she's funny and she have big attitude but overall she great :P

-Do you know any of #12's family members?
i only know his god little brother

-What will you do if #18th confesses that she/he loves you?
ouh no!!!! i will run away from everyone. i rather we just be this way as friends

-What language does #15 speak?
english, mandarin

-Who is #9 going out with?
let me see.... seriously i'm not really sure

-How old is #16?
he is 23.

-When was the last time you spoke to #13?
tuesday i msg her... spoke to her on isit sat or sunday?!

-Who is the favourite singer/band of #2?
avenged sevenfold!

-Have you ever dated #4?
i think so during my secondary school days

-Would you ever date #1?
if i'm les yeah... she's my girlfriend.

-Is #19 single?
no, she's with bryan...

-What's #10 last name?
good i dont even knew

-Would you ever be in a relationship with #11?
No way.. even though he okay... but NO!!

-What's the school of #3?
ITE Clementi

-Where does #6 live?
Woodlands!-

What's your favourite thing about #7?
she's always keep me busy

-Have you ever seen #2 naked?
NOPE!!!

They're the 3 babes/hunks who'll do this thing:
CELESTE..
NISA...
NABILLAH...

A moment that can keep me going...

2008-06-03T14:31:00.001+08:00

There was time when i wish that the time pause and never move or change..
It complicated... i wanted to give others a chance but i'm afraid of hurting them..
I rather let it be this way...
Maybe i should walk away and left everyone including hym...
but i dont noe why i'm still want to wait..
~ Those moment when i'm in your arms keep me going to wait for you...~
~ I never want to miss a smile on your face keep me waiting~
But until when???
Why would i admit that i have a stead when i'm not even attached?
Sometimes i knew itx really makes other think that way but it really complicated..

why? is she still contacting you...
why? those pictures still remain there...
Are you hoping to be back again?
The day she walk away... she goes w/out a word to stay...
Now she came back asking for you once again...

Will there be chances?? that you might be with her again?
Will there be miracles that you will walk with her?

It hurt to see those pictures
It hurt to see she chasing you..
It hurt more to see you with her...

All i'm asking for was just those smiles on your face...
If it going took forever...
If itx going to take years
If i'm the one suffered...
I dont mind for your happiness...

~I promised to leave you and walk away..
the day you found someone to stay...~

by then you would never even realised that you once entered my life

Complicated Heart

2008-06-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

Is it hard for you to let me know what going on?
Sometimes i realised you took my for granted. When u need me around you; you appeared but if you have others with you, i'm nothing but an invisible person.
Don't you have heart? Can't you see what going on?
May i ask what you really want??
Why should i bother to wait and see you smiles to keep you happy?
When i suddenly become a saddist, i'm happy to see myself suffering. Oh My Gosh!!!
I've been dreaming to see myself HAPPY but till when???
Must i be the one waiting?
I'm coming 18th...in less than a mth.
I want to celebrate my 18th birthday with the one who i'm going to be with...
But now? HOW??
WHO? is my another piece??
CYC/BEN or who???
or maybe it fated for me to be single.
I have been SINGLE for almost 4 mths...
not because i can't find another guy but because i'm afraid to get hurt again.
Why bother? Anyway, who care right. The one who suffer is me not them.
Maybe it just a path that i had choose to walk on.
~ at times i just wish you could see ~
There was times when i dream of you
There was times when i wish you will come
There was times when i just wish you would understand...
But maybe you would just never realised that i wanted you to fill in the empty space in my heart.
When i felt that i should let you go and give others a chance to fill in my emptiness
you then felt those jealousy and began to check on me...
Cos you CARED FOR ME...
but when u know that i let others go to be with you...
you no longer bothered to even read my heart...
I dont get you...
I know you always the one to text, called my hp in the morning and also the last person to end my msg at night.
I know i nvr bothered to text and called you. because...
Do you know it hurt to wait for your reply that take forever
I love to send special text greeting to special people but then again
you told me you hate to received those thing and you cant even bothered to read them. But then u seem to know that i'm sad when u said those thing and you know how to heel those saddness.
When i asked you if i found another darling...then how?
you replied me saying you would congratulate me...
So will that make you happy then? but you say no?
and when i ask if you are not happy why would you congratulate me...
you never replied...
you just let those question in the thin air...
RUBBISH!! i want answer not making myself like a idoitic person searching for my own answer...
most of my question you nvr answer...
at times you just chg the topic...
my dear.. i want answer

~ Should i move on..Or should i wait even if it takes forever!!
ITX COMPLICATED HEART>>>>
you tell mi you're leaving.. and i just want you stay...

everything still complicated

2008-05-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

Until now i cant figure out what on your mind...
I have been trying my best to always keep me update with what happening...
but my dear i cant really keep myself update with you...
Yes, i denied many times that i was jealous...
It was so obvious i knew you noted it...
But then again...
nevermind...

Sometimes i asked myself...
Maybe i should walk away from you...
but then again... i can't
and never...
b'cos i always feel there smth that want me to wait...

My boring OFF DAY...

2008-05-30T22:02:00.000+08:00

What did i do the whole day??
Nothing... really nothing...
I woke up by his call...talk to him for a while and then continue my sleep...
Unfortunately my aunt turned up at my house unexpectedly...
So...whatever lah...
Continued to sleep till noon...
Wash up..
and sat at the sofa watching television for almost 8 hrs...
and i only move away from the sofa less than even 30 mins...
from tv programme to dvd...
With my hand non-stop folding the clothes...
very the fucking tiring...
Well but i took 30 mins nap while folding clothes...
heheheheh
But at all times my mind wasnt together with me...
Even my soul was not there went i was resting......
Rubbish...

Aniwae, today celeste first day working at sakea sushi...
GOOD LUCK>> my dear...
ouh ya...
tell me everything...when u end okay...

i been tagged

2008-05-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

A) People who have been asked to must write their answers on their blogs (or whatever) & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

if your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
Damn him... who does he tink he is...GET OVER IT>>> AND FIND myself someone who care for me...

if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
HOLIDAY TO PARIS....>>> EIFFEL TOWER...

what will your dream wedding to be like?
A place decorated with my favourite colours even if it's not his favourite colour...With all my loves one and darling around me...And me standing my love..

are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
YES!!! very indeed confused... but now all i want is just to read what on your mind..

what's your ideal lover like?
Someone who will love me for who i am. Someone who doesn't care how i look or what i wear.He must be taller than me, CLever cos i'm stupid..Simple person..Know how to attract my attention even by doing nothing...Care for me and love me..

which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone is fully blessed... but it will be much more blessed with you loving him as well....

how long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
I'll wait as long as i can... but i'll get over it as soon as he married or found someone...If i really love him... all i wanted to see are his happiness and it doesnt matter if i hurt myself...

if the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
ATTACHED!!! c'mon i'll walked away man... it much better to get someone who single then destroy other gal happiness... get me...

is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
I get jealous easily.. and yes i denied it everytime...

is being tagged fun?
Tagged is fun... if it came from FUN people

how do you see yourself in ten years time?
ten yrs.. tht mean i'm 28th..i'm supposed to be married and be happy with him...or..i'm still waiting for him...

who are currently most important people to you?
FAMILY< FRIENDS aka my darling<< HIM<<

what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She is damn fucking BEST FRIEND...
If you want to kill your boredom as her out...She know how to make the environment happening..

would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and Rich...
so, i could continue to flirt around and of'cos buy anything..

what's the first thing you do every morning?
GRAB MY PHONE>>>WHERE IS IT??
even with my eyes closed..

would you give all in a relationship?
Depends, if he really the one i'm getting married to..
YES>>if not.. never

if you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
Well it happen before..
Someone who always there to listen to my nagging...
I'll pick the one who constantly waited for me...
Instead of the one who keep asking me for my answer...

what type of friends do you like?
Someone who try and understand what going on with my life...
And always there with me through thick and thin....

if given the chance to turn back time, will you?
I would like to turn it back to the beginning of year 2007..
but then again...
I LOVE WHAT I AM NOW ESPECIALLY WITH HIM AROUND>>>

what is the last thing you would do before you die?
I want to see him..smile and happy with his love one...
that if he is married...
but i still want to see his last smile..

5 people to do this
CELESTE!!
RAKINAH!!!
HELMY!!!!
SYASYA!!!
WANNIE!!
FIVE ENOUGH LAH

It seem COMPLICATED

2008-05-29T09:00:00.000+08:00

Finally... i went to swimming again after almost 3 mths..
haix... well my skin getting darker that it...
hehehe
I enjoy myself so much.... Eventhough it was only short hour swimming...
but unfortunately it turn my hair very very rough...
i shampoo it many times wash it over and over again still the same....
LOLX....
I really miss hym...alot..
At times i just want to walk to him and scold him...
but when i think again...
as long the smiles remain... i dont mind...
being the one getting hurt this time round...

**i am jealous but denied it when i'm with you...
Cos i want to see those smile forever...** Eventhough i saw u flirt around but when you told
me you are not...*** i dont want to argue...** cos of those smiles****

DO IT

2008-05-29T08:56:00.000+08:00

1)At what age do you wish to be married?When Someone found and willing to accept my pathatic attitude...Maybe after 21 that if someone can chg me
2) If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 buddies you'd take and why?Celeste, Nisa and Nabilah.So when at night i wouldnt be afraid with celeste around, Nisa can cool my tempered and my anger when i get angry and when cold i can cuddle up to her. With nabilah around everything will be much easier from complicated to easy pie.. And her jokes always filled the laughter in the air
3) Where is the place that you want to go the most?PARIS>>PARIS>>PARIS>>PARIS
4) If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?ouh please please... I want to go PARIS with my love one
5) Do you believe you can survive without money?NO NO NO NO...NEVEREVERYWHERE I GO I NEED MONEY...EVEN IN MY DREAMS
6) What are you afraid to lose the most?i afraid of losing my love one...and losing hym
7) If you win $1 Million, what would you do?SHOP SHOP SHOP...and buy surprises for all my loves one
8) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?Depends on situation... but i love it more if my other partner the one who confess to me..
9) List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.She cool, smart and pleasant person...
10) What is your dream GIRL/BOY?Taller than me... understand me..Someone who will change my fucking attitude...NO FINANCIAL AND EMOTION problem.. :)
11) What kind of person do you hate the most?someone who use others to get what they want... :)
12) If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, will you?yes JANUARY 2007...
13) Unconditional Love, what does it means to you?hmm... nth..but i can look for you the meaning if you want....
14) Any wisdom to share with your reader?*never stop searching just because you think he/she the one*
15) If there's ever a war(or things that are similar) happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place or fight?C'mon.. they are having war at MY PLACE>>>why should i run... I MUST FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
16) If you have the chance, which part of your character you would like to change?MY PATHATIC SO WHATEVER ATTITUDE>...
17) Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?ALL>>>>my problem>>>> NO-ONE>>>
18) What's your weakest point?When i get too jealous or too angry...I will cry...
19) Think of the person who tagged you to do this quiz. What song do you relate him/her to?SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANT!!!
20) What is the one thing you regret most?never study when i was given a chance..but i nvr regret the path at where i am now...
21)Name people who you want them to do this question.Everyone on MY MINE FOREVER LIST!!!

When the ending??

2008-05-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

Do you ever understand what i mean by single but complicated?? Sometimes i just wish someone would walk up to me and explain it to me...
Why do guys even bother to know about me??
Don't they have better things to do??
I just realised one thing that used to happen once in my life...
the pain that i felt in my heart about 3 yrs ago happen again....
..~your smile is the only cure for my heart~
Haix... i dont noe how i'm supposed to explain it to all...
Celeste, you told me that your friend want to know me ryte??
But this is what i always say to all from february 2008...onwards....
Till now my words still the same...
-Would you want me to hurt you???-
-I dont think you want to get hurt from me-
-I rather be single than hurt anyone-

~Perhaps you shouldn't even get into a relationship end up will only get hurt or hurt ppl~

Till now i stand firm on this words...

~i will walk and vanish away from you.... the day... you found "the one"... but till then..
i will always be here...accompany you...whenever i could be.....~

No-ones understand

2008-05-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

Is it supposed to be joke??
Celeste called and yes again she down at CCK...
strange....but anything to keep those tears away from her...
At times when she called she was crying...
I knew she was hurt again... if only i could keep track of those ppl who hurt her...
therefore to remind her not to repeat the same mistake...
but yes love is blind...
you can like everyone on earth....
but when it comes to love...
you knew you will get hurt...
~sometimes it hard to figure out what happening~
Whatever okie...celeste...
please please dont give my number unless the person stole it from my blog...
~i'm single but complicated~

life without it

2008-05-27T08:09:00.000+08:00

Finally after the whole exciting days...
My handphone was left at CCK showroom... Damn it man...
I only realised it when i already out walking towards the MRT station...
Turned Around and i realised my manager has left the building itself.... AHX!!!!
i'm so careless...
itx like i been curse by the broken chair...
DAMN IT...
haix sian le...
Today, officially off..
but i have to rush down to pick up my missing pieces... my handphone...
I could not sleep the entire night...
Every now and then i will turn to see if my phone have any msg.. but when i turned my hp is not there.... i panick... and realised that i forgot to bring my phone back home...

ON the SUNDAY,
I had to admit i was fucking ANGRY or shld i say JEALOUS..
but instead of showing my jealousy i turn it to a fume anger...
And i fucking hungry that day...
THank god celeste willing to come down from suntec all the way to cck...
thank alot dear...
but unfortunately....
she bring along hairie/hairi??(azie the ex-bf)
and both of them keep saying i'm fat!!
through out the whole shopping centre...
with his lame jokes that cool down my tempered.
Celeste thank for coming that day...
cos i actually i almost cried due to my jealousy....

Sometimes itx hard to understand what going on...
But it clearer when u explain it...
But you did flirt with them.... and i saw it...
it was obvious...
Eventhough i choose to believe you...
not because i dont trust what i saw.... but because...
i see those smiles remain there forever.....

my days...

2008-05-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

It took me 5 min to put the puzzle together but it took me forever to put my heart together...
All i ever want was peace .... and this is what i wish to see again...
Damn.. he really could sing well...
I suddenly became a photo freak... i love my own pics...

that what i usually did at work...
actually there alot more pic of all my darling...
but itx not nice to put their pic without them knowing...

as time passed

2008-05-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

A month passed real fast.. 36 more days to my very 18th...
How i'm spending my b'dae? i have no fucking idea...

Well, maybe itx a cursed to laugh at people and maybe itx a cursed for me to be happy...
Each time i feel that the day going to be fucking pleasant... Damn it..
Problems began to crawl their way up to me...
I will woke up late for work..
I can't find my clothes..
or worse my $$$ seem to be dissappearing fast enough...
Damn it..

Cool ryte...
But no matter how angry, sad, upsad..
Whenever he called, msg or even just by looking a glance at him...
i feel peace..
I dont noe... dont asked my why...
Some may say...
me and hym..are couples...

BUT WE ARE NOT>..

at tymes..
i asked myself why and why i being naive...
then again my heart just kept silence...
and my mind went blank...

Life is fill with question...

why? i dont noe..

but all i care now..
is FAMILY>>>FRIENDS>>>HYM>>>

yoha...amigos

2008-05-06T13:44:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone...
sorry if i didnt keep u all update like usual..
itx all due to lack of internet connection and some certain virus that causing my com unhealthy...

Aniwae...
i'm flirting arnd as usual... no longer malay dude this time round more to chinese..

basically i'm busy currently...

feel free to drop me msg on my hp...
93372190..

ouh ya...
F.Y.I.

IF YOU HAVE WHOEVER PLANNED TO GET MARRIED
I HAVE A KENDARAT TEAM HERE AT SERVICE...

THX

I found...

2008-04-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

Finally... i found... NaNa...
my other cupcakes....
to keep you all update with her...
She's doing great currently single so you people can match-make her with your friends...
hahahahha...
She's finishing her ite probably by the end of this year....
but she predicted she might be repeating... so gals which her GOOD LUCK ON PASSING>..
yes... she working also where.... SECRET LAH...
hahahha...
So today...
Rakinah, Celeste, SyaSya... first day school at ite...
so how ladies good?

Ouh ya... so Zube & Radhy...
how poly like at RP...?
Sallie... how are you now?
starting school soon ryte?NERVOUS?
SAKINAH? where have you gone missing?
so higher nitec has begin ryte? how getting along good?

Well, it seem NISA & CELESTE go school together hhuh?
later dont gossip about me anihow ahx...
if not i eat both of you..
hahahah

For those who know bout C.Y.C...
yup, i'm close with him...
but no i'm not his steady girlfriend.....
so dont put words in my mouth...
i will admit if true...

Last but not least, gals i'm getting busy soon...
I'm taking up another job to have full control and stablise my finance...
so anything msg me : 93372190..

I'll try my very best to msg all my gals every now and then to keep in touch we you all okay....
OUH YA<<<< i'm no longer wearing purple contact lenses...
Itx hippie chestnuts now....

yeah...
I miss out Waniie in here....
will try to update bout her asap i got her latest update...
And ya...SyaSya... also...
and of course.... sakinah, celeste, sallie, zube, radhy, rakinah and helmy....

yeah!!!!

what you should be expecting

2008-04-10T20:44:00.000+08:00

Everything that may seem simple are not....
Things that are so easy... is so much complicated to explain in "easy" words.
But you can't expect me to say or write everything here...
What the hell...
just received my pay and all the "F" problem came chasing me...
HAix...
If only i could just pause the time....
Even my salary have problem...
THEY SHORT PAY ME>>>!!!!!!!
whatever right...
itx not like i'm not use to it but it just that i need to clear my mini debt.. immediately...
SO please..... stop coming me for trouble....
Everytime... i talk, chat, msg, meet cyc...
it seem to release little of my tension for a while...
haix....
But itx seem that celeste doesnt like him...
well...
I give up.

a hard position

2008-04-03T16:34:00.000+08:00

Seeing other ahead of me put me a fix spot...
i can't believe that i'm left behind still taking my fucking bitch time towards sucess...
It funny how i could even planned and think of a way to waste my 1 year just like that or should i say 2 years...
If only i began earlier but it useless to regret now..
And like i was say that i should never regret after making a decision...
Talking about decision...
I have put my mind set again on 4 different courses that i want to pursue my small dream...
And the only thing i'm doing now is searching for the right place to pursue my little ambition...
I then realised that when i wanted to keep my simple heart shut...
that is when they came knocking at the small door...
Should i let them in...and stay or should i just close it...
Well i'm in a lost and confused position actually.....
I still have feeling for him... but i doesnt want to end up separating again...
While at the same time... i having a little feeling for c.y.c too...
So i told u i'm a messed now...
Why am i always in this kind of position...?
Should i kept both? or stick with just one?
i'm lost?
Sometimes i asked what do i have that you want?
"lost and confused"

busy....

2008-03-29T08:02:00.000+08:00

This few day... i've been busy talking to celeste on the phone....
It lyk 1 day can talk like almost 30mins...
....
i give up....
i want to intro c.y.c to celeste but suddenly...
celeste say she bring along him...
hahaha.....

nonsence....
hahaha....

see u next thursday...

lolx

2008-03-28T06:36:00.000+08:00

One day off...
Finally i when out to meet my two dearest darling...
Jeff and Nisa...
Well... actually spend lyk 15mins chatting with Abg Az...
Too many Story I heard....
But before that...
I go eat lunch with c.y.c...
well...c.y.c is just one of my chinese guy friends...
he different is some way...
and i can't believe i might i like him...
Aniwae, this saturday...
i'm going down to mac early in the morning....
To meet my long long dearest crew, hafiza...
I used to not like her...
but now...yeah i admit...
she is one of my favourite crew....
Sometimes i wonder how people can get too close with someone in the first place they actually dont like....
Strange ryte?
I used to say to myself that i' cant get along with Nisa...
But now...i'm super close to her...
geez, magic ryte....

I cant wait to go out with celeste next week...
Go WHERE? i dont noe..
but we just want to spend our times together..again...

Hey....
if anione noes cupcakes...
1 of my cupcakes had engage ryte...
1 of my cupcakes might fall in early marriage next year...

keep u updat..

ONCE

2008-03-25T14:37:00.000+08:00

For once, i may think i'm wrong..
but then again...nope... i'm right...
Right again.... People may think i'm insecure just because i kept changing bf...
But nope i'm not...
Well... it not that i want to keep changing one...
ya i noe i'm e play innocent bitch... but to the actual fact... i'm just using them...
I dont need them to survive cos i've been surviving on my own feet...
I just realised why so teenages doesn't owe a curfew...
Cause their parents trust them or isit b'cos the parents cant control them>?
Whatever... sometimes i just start minding people business..ya i noe...
but hey that not the point why i'm writing my blog today...

Believing that my fucking job is kinda bull-shit get me...
The pay i must admit is small...very very small...
okay... i just dont noe how i'm supposed to survive...

Everyday... i'm cracking my brains with ideas...
Trying... to figure things out...
that cause my headache frequently...

HEy, i'm a youth too...
Wanna be young lady therefore...
I want earn big...
making my own fucking FIGURES
but how?
any bitches ideas??

AH!!!...
my life is hell been control with timing...
i cant walk my way out cos i'm so called small...
but i want to prove them wrong that i'm NOT SMALL
i'm can be making big big figure...

help me prove them wrong...

simple life

2008-03-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

haix.... It may sound simple to some people on the jobs i did and done....
But they forgot that my job holds a big responsibility that i have had to be super careful...
Recently, i had just overlooked a thing... and it cause a big fume trouble....
From a small price i overcharged the customer 10 times....
Until now... i can't let my mind at ease eventhough... my senoir cashier is looking into this matter....
Strange....
but it happen....
Small mistake turns BIG....
Yeah... i regret not paying a big attention to it...
but itx too late...to undone the things now....
I hope things settle fast...
Hmm...
should have relax more...
and take a chill pill...
I have to be early to work tomorrow...
No more fooling AROUND>...
NO MORE LATE COMING>>>>
HAIX>>.
life is never perfect...
but you are the one that turns it great....

>>i'm now into 2 person....<<

TIRED

2008-03-09T00:50:00.000+08:00

If words could describe how tired i am.....
I have been working over at the IT show... at level 4 in the execbition hall...
well 1st day and the sales was already pumping in alot...
my whole body are fucking aching....
i can't believe it man....
damn it....
the 1st day... my both leg and foot were shouting at me...
2nd day.... my legs were crying...my shoulder was as if they were speaking to me...
and when i laid on my bed i can sleep.... as everytime i try to turn it hurt so much....
today... nothing that special... but my back yeah!!! fucking aching!!!
Tomorrow last day finally at the suntec...
haiz... and then i'm back to the AMK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i miss my hot milo...
wakakakakaka
and my hot tea tarik...
hehehehe
bull-shit right..

i just love it that way

2008-03-04T08:25:00.000+08:00

I cant believe it...
every book of the novel is so wonderful...
i cry, smile and laugh as i read it...
i dont even mind reading it a few times...
they really touches me heart... no matter i already knows how the story goes..
it really have many meaning in those book...
Some ppl many think haiz it just a love story book but hey ppl are wrong...
those book make me a step closer to god... each time i hold those book i can feel happy and satisfied... it like happiness...
Every novel have different climax and the ending is always a very sweet ending...
no they dont live happily ever after...
but the ending shows that no matter how bad that person is in the end he/she will walk the same path to god and ask for forgiveness and those who feel god always testing them realised that god have written down a wonderful new chapter for them in the end...
Haix... i learn alot not only by reading those books ubt also when working...
when i'm at work... i cant run away from my favourite subject maths...
and when i'm reading my novel i could read all problems from those story and how they think of solution and always make me to think in many prospect...

hmm...
god is one of a kind.

novel is my passion...

2008-03-04T08:06:00.000+08:00

My simple life can be rather complicated...
One moment i curse my own life and the next moment i'm thankful for all that happen...
eventhough it bad or good...
i kept this thing in my mind and kept going...
LIFE IS STORYBOOK THE AUTHOR IS GOD...
eversince i started work... i began to think of my future...
i know i could have walk the path to ite and my sucess but then i rather work than step into ite...
i dont noe what so bad but ite but i just hate it...
just hate it....
I'm currently happy with my work even though the pay is fucking small...
i will make use of every opportunity that comes in my way...
for me to study, learn but at the same time remain working as cashier...
haix... sometimes i just wondered why>>>why>>>why>>
but then i have nothing to lose...
HELP ME...MAKE ME....FORCe me......

Where are you?

2008-02-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

Hey, i began to notice you on the 4th day of work.... i was reading my novel... when i heard a loud shout...
at the same time...the bus came... but at that point my eyes were on the couple...who arguing... and then realised u were looking at me... with your hands moving fast...with the psp...on the hand...
We were on the same bus... i noe.. and i could feel that i'm the victim of your eyes who were looking at me...
But u were 1 stop different from mine...
that makes no different actually...
cos i noted... notice that as u walk away frm the bus stop ....
you turn ur head few times.. looking into the bus....
well it happen again the next day...ryte...
but now... we are both out of sight...

Novel are my passion...
but to find my another side of my heart
i'm still searching.....

My little journey

2008-02-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

My little journey began when i started work about alomst a week now....
Unbeliveable huh? well... at first i hate my sitting shaking leg jobs but then i love it...more and
more.... too many to learn and too many to be happy about...
but 1 thing for sure...
i love my simple job... eventhough the pay is fucking small i must say...
but i will work my way up just lyk i did before over at Mc Donalds....
well i still could do some online jobs ryte??
aniwae... i'm trying to cope my little finance problems...
and hope i done finishing my finance matter within 2 mths the maximum...
then i could at least enjoy my fucking little pay...

I have a whole list of shopping things that i wanted to buy... so therefore...
i need more much more money....
the more the better...actually...
haix....

my life

2008-02-27T12:36:00.000+08:00

It been days since i check my email and read my bestie blogs..
how i wish i was there at that tyme when they might need me... but now i'm busy with my work.. well at first it was damn fucking boring bt now it much more relaxing on weekdays cos i got nothing to do seriously... weekends are packed busy.. haix..
finally when i had all in my hand it seem so hard...
any way i'm tired and very very tired..
the journey is making me tired...
the bus trip and mrt trip ... you could say..
but anyway i began to enjoy it...
all of it...
from my manager...assistant manager who seem to be strict and fierce but really actually duh!!...
at first the salesman are looking at me as rookie...
then now everyone is joking and talking to me...
first it was the DI staff then it was the AV/HA staff hahahaa...
aniwae..
even the uncle and aunty at the coffee shop knows me...
okie...
ltr i need to go to the library to get some books for my journey...
i just realised that the book i stole frm my secondary school library 2 books actually... i end up reading them lyk 3 times already...
haix..
i just love to spend my times reading my books...
but make sure no-one to even distrub me...
cos i just want my time alone...

i love my self more than ever...

Finally

2008-02-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

After all the hard effort and e 1 mth unemployed ....
Finally i found myself a job as a cashier...
well dont ask me bout the price but i guess i have to work frm small ryte...
aniwae... the important thing is i've got a job..

My unfaithful life

2008-02-17T18:01:00.001+08:00

I have been searching jobs like hell...but unfortunately until now...
there aint any available jobs for me... Well, I'm not choosey okie... I tried like almost every jobs that i could actually think of...
But maybe my luck just fading away...haiz..
I'm still not giving up and i learn a motto...
Never Say NO...
......
Finally i had broke off my relationship with him...
but i just wondering why and why do he still want to disturb my life...
I know how ppl felt when someone broke their heart...
but hey.... life still have to move on....... right??
To actually think that i have always given him wad he want...
but why bother saying all those promises and reminding me of your promises...
C'mon dont act fucking innocent infront of me when i even saw those marks on others..
You were messing around even before...
Accusing me and saying bad things behind my back would not help...
Cause those person who listen those bad things about me would never believe it if they knows me in person.... It so surreal...

Haix, life is nvr fair...
God have many ways to test someone patience...
and i noe that everything happen will have a reason...
God knows the reason...

Well...
I'm now... ariel anasyah..

whatever

2008-02-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

THis is So not fair... Why should i be listening to you...
Now itx over between us...
i no longer want to be with you even though i do admit that i love you....
but i had to throw u back in my passed together with those black marks... no one shld noe... no one shld even heard it animore...
wad is done is the past... itx the history...
I'm no longer cuya...
she no longer exist...
Cuya is only known to te bestie not you (4th)
i'm now am Ariel Anasyah...
Whatever you think i used to be i'm not...
Now, what i care is more of my future.....
Why bother about love...
it can come slowly...
no more important is me....
ME...
ME
and only ME........

2008-02-07T16:38:00.000+08:00

I finally realised that i had enough of this nonsence....
i thought he understood me... but opps... i was wrong...

Hmm, lame juga aku terpaksa memikirkan hal ini, sedalam dalamnyer....
Aku tau keputusan yang aku akan buat ini bukanlah satu keputusan yang akan memuas kan
kedua dua pihak... tapi aku terpaksa...
Apa nak jadi lepas itu jadi lah....
Aku percaya bahawa jika niat aku baik allah akan mempermudahkan jalan aku...
malahan aku tau bahawa diriku telah terlalu byk dgn dosa...
sehingga aku berkata-kata.... apakah tuhan dpt memaafkan hamba nye ini???
sedangkan ibu bapa ku tidak dpt maafkan atau lupakan perkara yang berlaku...

Maafkan diriku,
Aku rasakan bagai membawa balak di bahuku....
Lalu aku cuba membuang nyer ke dalam air...
aku hingga sanggup memotong rambut ku....
malahan kini sering kali aku memohon maaf pada allah...
tapi nampaknyer... aku tetap tidak dpt larikan diriku...
apa yang terjadi telah menjadi mimpi ngeri dalam tidurku....
itu lah salah satu sebab kenape aku terpaksa meninggalkan mu...

Aku benci akan lelaki yang sering kali mempersoalkan cintaku...
seperti ingin mengatakan kepadaku bahawa ko tidak mempercayakan diriku,
cinta dan sayangku....
Maafkan aku... Ko telah membuat kesilapan besar untuk mempertanyakan soalan itu untuk ketiga kali....
dan mungkin itu akan jadi soalan terakhir yang akan ko mempersoalkan....
Aku telah cuba untuk memahami dan mengertikan perasan dan dirimu
malahan... aku gagal untuk bersamamu...
Kata2 manis yang ko kotakan kepada ku...telah seketika dulu buat diriku hanyut...
tapi...sekarang aku ketahui...
bahawa itu hanya lah janji manis mu....

Maafkan aku, kekasih...

I want my old life back...

2008-01-31T22:22:00.000+08:00

I felt that even having my time alone doesn't seem to make me happy...
Every now and then....
I'm worried of everything...
I'm just afraid...

I've been thinking...
of asking for a b r e a k u p with him...
but i just cant figure out...
how and when should i say it....
Should i just go missing for months lyk how....
one of my ex...did...
Or should i ask for break up on the day of the anniversary...

Haix....
I'm clueless...
I'm helpless....
I'm lost...
I'm just need to be the old me...
Where i'm not worried about everything...
And i can say what i want to say....
Shout whatever i want....
Scold whenever I want...
Without thinking...
If you or anione.... feeling hurt....
I want to be free in argument....
Where i noe that no one will give in to me...
unless they loses to the argument...

Hmmm....

When can i have my time and space back like last time???

Clueless...

2008-01-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

I began to think itx becoming hard as time and days passed by...
Firstly, I'm jobless...
doing nothing...earning nothing...
Each time, i had a planned on what i wanted to do...
the next moment... i was sitting down staring at the empty spaces again...
Well....
February... will just be in a day time...
yet i felt that i'm already jobless for a year....
do you noe how bad it felt just sitting at home....

When my sister is around they will be doing the house chore...
While i only have to get my younger sibling to school... prepared their breakfast...
and fetch them back in the afternoon.....
Other than that I'll just be staring at this damn computer....
Slacking away....
other than blogging....
computer games.... watch tv3. drama....
and of course finishing a whole series of my korean drama...
I began to feel sick...
Falling sick staying home...

I began to miss the outside world...
I began to miss everything....
being late to work/school...
forgetting to bring my things....
chasing the bus...
looking at my hp/watch time every now and then...

Sometimes i just asked myself...
why? is my future turns horrible...
i nvr ever thought that i'm going to be jobless....
it nvr meant to be that way...
But what the used of regreting now...
itx no used...
just by looking at the past itx already worse...

I'm just trying to move on and put all the past behind me...

Haix...

I can't believe my dreams just shattered on the floor right in front of my eyes...
...
everything just seem to be a nightmare for me...

life that just too complicated

2008-01-30T12:58:00.000+08:00

I will begin with telling you about me...
I'm a gerl who started to lie and been telling lies ever since i learn it from someone...
It feels good after lying...
but a certain times when you are caught lying it just feel worse and atrocious...
I love swimming and a hobby that i started from small was writing diary...
but each times i caught someone reading my diary i will threw it away... no matter how long it took for me to keep those memories with me...
Each times i look back at my very own mistake... i shed tears that i never thought i would cry for...
Tears of regret, happiness, guilty...and tears of saddness...
I always wondered why and why must things goes this way.... is it because i am seeking attention or is it just to please myself...
I do have friends who talk behind my back, who critise me...
I do have relatives who think i am just a rubbish talker...
Then again i asked myself.... Who am i?? What am i supposed to be???

Well...
last year i sat for a major paper in secondary school...
MY O"LEVELs...
to be honest with myself... i was just wasting my parents money on tuition...
on the school fees and fee for taking the paper...
I knew very well that i no longer have any interest in studies...
but no one and no ones would even spare a minute to even listen to me...
My interest in studies have gone and cherish together ryte after i ended my N'level......
But now when i actually look back i should have walk the path that i planned for myself and not listening to their desire instead...
I am really sorry for wasting their money...
And i knew that the result really put them down...
There actually something that i wanted to actually told them...
but i guess this time around they would never listen again....

No one would believe this if I said that....
I would like to retake my O'level one more time...
but in private school....

Haiz..
it hard for me to face the actual fact that i actually failed badly for O'levels..
Even though i may seem smiling and HAck care about the result but deep in me it hurt alot...
Really hurt my heart...

2007 really was a big experience and alot of mistake i made...
in decision, friendships and also life....
I really regret making a lot of decision...
Sometimes to a extend i wanted to commit suicide.....
I use to be afraid of heights but now each time i look down from my eight floor hse...
i say.... itx only 8th floor ryte...
I was thinkin of 33th floor.....

Hmm, life

~Life is like a storybook and the author is GOD~