Once in a life time.

Thursday, January 31, 2008 @ 10:22 PM

I want my old life back...

I felt that even having my time alone doesn't seem to make me happy...
Every now and then....
I'm worried of everything...
I'm just afraid...

I've been thinking...
of asking for a b r e a k u p with him...
but i just cant figure out...
how and when should i say it....
Should i just go missing for months lyk how....
one of my ex...did...
Or should i ask for break up on the day of the anniversary...

Haix....
I'm clueless...
I'm helpless....
I'm lost...
I'm just need to be the old me...
Where i'm not worried about everything...
And i can say what i want to say....
Shout whatever i want....
Scold whenever I want...
Without thinking...
If you or anione.... feeling hurt....
I want to be free in argument....
Where i noe that no one will give in to me...
unless they loses to the argument...

Hmmm....

When can i have my time and space back like last time???

@ 9:59 PM

Clueless...

I began to think itx becoming hard as time and days passed by...
Firstly, I'm jobless...
doing nothing...earning nothing...
Each time, i had a planned on what i wanted to do...
the next moment... i was sitting down staring at the empty spaces again...
Well....
February... will just be in a day time...
yet i felt that i'm already jobless for a year....
do you noe how bad it felt just sitting at home....

When my sister is around they will be doing the house chore...
While i only have to get my younger sibling to school... prepared their breakfast...
and fetch them back in the afternoon.....
Other than that I'll just be staring at this damn computer....
Slacking away....
other than blogging....
computer games.... watch tv3. drama....
and of course finishing a whole series of my korean drama...
I began to feel sick...
Falling sick staying home...

I began to miss the outside world...
I began to miss everything....
being late to work/school...
forgetting to bring my things....
chasing the bus...
looking at my hp/watch time every now and then...

Sometimes i just asked myself...
why? is my future turns horrible...
i nvr ever thought that i'm going to be jobless....
it nvr meant to be that way...
But what the used of regreting now...
itx no used...
just by looking at the past itx already worse...

I'm just trying to move on and put all the past behind me...

Haix...

I can't believe my dreams just shattered on the floor right in front of my eyes...
...
everything just seem to be a nightmare for me...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008 @ 12:58 PM

life that just too complicated

I will begin with telling you about me...
I'm a gerl who started to lie and been telling lies ever since i learn it from someone...
It feels good after lying...
but a certain times when you are caught lying it just feel worse and atrocious...
I love swimming and a hobby that i started from small was writing diary...
but each times i caught someone reading my diary i will threw it away... no matter how long it took for me to keep those memories with me...
Each times i look back at my very own mistake... i shed tears that i never thought i would cry for...
Tears of regret, happiness, guilty...and tears of saddness...
I always wondered why and why must things goes this way.... is it because i am seeking attention or is it just to please myself...
I do have friends who talk behind my back, who critise me...
I do have relatives who think i am just a rubbish talker...
Then again i asked myself.... Who am i?? What am i supposed to be???

Well...
last year i sat for a major paper in secondary school...
MY O"LEVELs...
to be honest with myself... i was just wasting my parents money on tuition...
on the school fees and fee for taking the paper...
I knew very well that i no longer have any interest in studies...
but no one and no ones would even spare a minute to even listen to me...
My interest in studies have gone and cherish together ryte after i ended my N'level......
But now when i actually look back i should have walk the path that i planned for myself and not listening to their desire instead...
I am really sorry for wasting their money...
And i knew that the result really put them down...
There actually something that i wanted to actually told them...
but i guess this time around they would never listen again....

No one would believe this if I said that....
I would like to retake my O'level one more time...
but in private school....

Haiz..
it hard for me to face the actual fact that i actually failed badly for O'levels..
Even though i may seem smiling and HAck care about the result but deep in me it hurt alot...
Really hurt my heart...

2007 really was a big experience and alot of mistake i made...
in decision, friendships and also life....
I really regret making a lot of decision...
Sometimes to a extend i wanted to commit suicide.....
I use to be afraid of heights but now each time i look down from my eight floor hse...
i say.... itx only 8th floor ryte...
I was thinkin of 33th floor.....

Hmm, life

~Life is like a storybook and the author is GOD~